Dear Haya,
I’m in my twenties and I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep on time. Constant thoughts about my career and personal life keep me awake at night and I have a hard time resting.
After a long day at work, I usually look forward to going to bed, but the moment I try to sleep, negative feelings take over and I spiral into overthinking, to the point that I often experience extreme anxiety because of it. I tried to work on it by doing my best to get to bed on time and even tried soothing teas and ointments to relax me, but all to no avail.
I haven’t yet explored seeing a therapist in hopes of being able to handle this on my own before seeking professional help. It’s been a few months and now I’m worried about my mental health.
Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?
Dear anonymous,
Thank you for sharing such a sincere concern. What you have described is something that many people struggle with silently, but few say out loud. It really takes courage to put it into words.
From what I’ve heard, you have trouble sleeping on time. Thoughts about your career and personal life keep you awake at night and these are two very valid life concerns that shape a significant part of our lives.
The moment you try to rest, your mind is flooded with negative thoughts and feelings that take over and lead you to feel anxious. He has tried to control these symptoms by using soothing teas and ointments and trying to sleep on time, which shows that he is doing the best he can, but none of that has helped.
And the bitter truth is that it will not be like that.
Not because you are doing something wrong, but because what you are experiencing is internal distress and the remedy you are using is external. These strategies touch the surface, not the source.
Sure, your symptoms manifest externally. For example, sleeping problems, overthinking, etc., but the root source is internal. It could be due to unprocessed emotions, ongoing stress, unresolved fears, and a nervous system that is holding on to more than its capacity. What you feel is not random, it is a reflection of what needs your attention within you.
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You can drink all the teas in the world, but unless you look inward and analyze what your mind and body have, nothing really changes.
Often the night does this. Once the day’s responsibilities are over, the mind has a moment of quiet and everything we haven’t addressed becomes stronger. Anxiety, at its core, is often linked to fear of the future or uncertainty about something that has not been addressed.
The way to address this is not through a product or ritual (although you can continue if it feels good), but by gently leaning into the discomfort of what you are really repressing. It would require you to sit quietly, with your discomfort, and ask yourself:
- What are you avoiding?
- What is it about your professional life that doesn’t seem aligned? What needs to change?
- What uncertainties or pressures about your personal life remain unresolved? What worries are keeping you awake that you aren’t addressing?
- What emotions do you carry alone and need space, validation, or processing?
Sitting with these questions may be difficult at first, and that’s completely normal. When we’ve spent months or years letting go of emotions, the thought of turning inward can feel overwhelming. But this is exactly where healing begins: allowing what is inside to have space instead of forcing it down.
As you begin to do the inner work, you will slowly notice a change. Your external symptoms will begin to calm down. These are not random problems, they are signs. And once the signals are heard, the body no longer needs to scream.
Your body is not malfunctioning, it is communicating. Asking for attention, care and understanding.
Start here and see how it goes, this will help you make sense of your experience.
Last but not least, I recommend that you work with a therapist, not because you can’t handle it, but because you don’t have to do it all alone. Having someone to guide you through these internal blocks can make the process less overwhelming and more effective.
Remember, half of our battles are won when we reach out for support.
Best wishes,
Is
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellness strategist, and trainer with experience in creating organizational cultures focused on wellness and mental health awareness.
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