Hello Haya,
I am planning to move abroad but am currently short on funds. I am making the decision to move abroad because I found a job, but the cost of moving to a new country and finding a place to live makes me nervous since I only have a certain amount to survive for a few days, while the salary of the new job will only be credited after a month of starting work, which will not be enough at the end of the day.
It’s a strange situation for me: I found a job and am desperate to leave the country, but worry about finances has been too overwhelming. Although I can solve this situation by seeking help from my parents, I am too nervous to do so. My father can easily save some money, but I don’t know how to work up the courage to ask him to lend me some money. He has always insisted that I, as his son, be completely independent and figure things out on my own.
It’s hard to convince my parents when it comes to money and most of the arguments in our house happen over financial issues. Please advise how I start the money conversation with my father so that we don’t end up involved in a heated argument.
— A stressed adult
Dear stressed adult,
First of all, congratulations on getting a job abroad! This is a major milestone, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed when faced with such a big move, especially when financial worries weigh on you.
I see your situation in two ways.
1. Trying to solve everything yourself and drowning in worry, stress and overwhelm.
2. Seek your father’s support.
I see that both options are difficult and that the second requires more courage. You want to seek your father’s support and talk to him about it, but you have a hard time knowing how to keep the conversation going. Let’s get right into it.
The conversation you have with your father should be structured, transparent and with a clear plan.
Here’s how you could approach it:
First, choose a time when your father is relaxed and open to conversation.
Start the conversation with empathy and transparency, letting your father know, as you move into the next stage of your life, how much you value the independence he has fostered in you and the principles he has instilled in you and how much he has done for you. in the person you are today. This will help you set a respectful tone and reduce defensiveness.
Next, explain your current circumstances and highlight that you have managed to take care of most things but are facing a financial shortfall (you can share in which area you are facing a shortfall). Share that this gap exists because you will not receive your first month of pay until after you complete your first month of work.
Let him know that you need his financial support initially and if he could lend you a specific amount of money that you would pay him back in a certain period of time. Present it as temporary support and not as dependency. Let him know that this will give him the foundation to settle down, stay on track, and be self-sufficient. Let him know when you would pay him back.
As you close the conversation and wait for their response, be open to suggestions or compromises. Instead of framing it as a demand, make it a collaborative discussion. This could make your father feel more involved and less pressured. For example: “I’d love to know what you think about this and how we can resolve it.”
Have a backup plan ready: If your parent expresses concerns, be prepared with alternative solutions. Mention that you have been trying to find other options, such as taking out a small loan from a bank or seeking support from a friend and seeing how you can cut back even further. This shows that you don’t just trust him, but that you seek his support because you value his help and trust.
As you close the conversation, reinforce the big picture: that this is an investment in your future and that their support would really mean a lot to you and that their support in the past has gotten you to where you are today (if so) and thank them. to do this in the way that seems best to you.
Lastly, remember to stay calm and composed. If he initially reacts negatively, give him time to process it. Your resistance may be due to your own concerns, not a lack of faith in yourself.
I want you to know that you are taking bold steps that require a lot of courage, and this will be something that will help you unleash your potential even more. Good luck!
– Is
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellness strategist, and trainer with experience in creating organizational cultures focused on wellness and mental health awareness.
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