Dear Haya,
I’m a socially awkward introvert looking for advice on how to manage social gatherings. I often tend to feel anxious or exhausted in group settings, even with people I know. I struggle to balance the need to spend time alone with the desire to maintain a social life and friendships.
Although the people around me seem kind on the surface because of my reluctance to participate in social events, they sometimes view me through a critical lens, given my discomfort when I am with them.
Could you please suggest some practical ways to handle such interactions in a comfortable manner while remaining stress-free?
— A socially awkward introvert
Dear Socially Awkward Introvert,
Before delving into your query, I would like to point out that there is nothing wrong with it. Awareness is a great starting point and I can see that you are aware of your personality type. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re failing at life, it means your energy works differently and that’s okay. What matters is how we work with what we already have in a way that works best for our well-being and meets their need for connection and their need for space.
Let’s explore some practical ways to handle these types of interactions to help you mentally prepare before an upcoming event.
Choose ‘small doses’ instead of all or nothing
You don’t have to attend every meeting or stay for hours. Showing up for even 30 to 45 minutes can help you maintain friendships without overwhelming you.
Have an exit plan ready that you are comfortable with
Knowing how you will get out of a place makes everything easier, for example, until you get tired or have the car with you. This reduces anxiety because you are not trapped.
Anchor with just one person
Instead of expecting to have to navigate an entire group, choose a person you feel most confident with. Being next to them or sitting with them gives you a base to return to throughout the event.
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Prepare conversation topics
Have some conversation topics in mind that you can fall back on. For example, how was your week? What are you working on these days? Any interesting shows you’re watching? When you feel frozen, these will help you participate without pressure. Remember, curiosity always wins.
Protect your energy before and after
Being self-aware is a superpower. You know what works and what doesn’t. Try to do some grounding beforehand to keep your nervous system calm. After the meeting, schedule some quiet time to recharge. It will help you regain your energy.
Remember, most people focus on themselves. We may feel like people judge us because we are so self-aware, but we believe there is more to the truth than that. Most people are trapped in their own insecurities.
Introversion is not a defect
Your introversion is not a defect. The most important thing is that we accept ourselves as we are and create a life around that that works best to boost our well-being.
Start with these steps, but keep in mind that you will experience some discomfort as you practice them. That’s natural. Every time we leave our comfort zone, our nervous system reacts. The goal is not to avoid discomfort completely, but to stay within a level that seems manageable.
Growth requires exactly that: the willingness to challenge yourself. If you don’t move beyond what’s familiar, you’ll stay stuck in patterns that keep you isolated. And while loneliness can be comforting, all human beings have a basic need for love, connection, and belonging. Ignoring that need for too long can lead to loneliness and unmet emotional needs.
So take baby steps, respect your boundaries but also respect your need for connection. The goal for you is to build a life in which you feel socially capable and emotionally fulfilled, not isolated from others out of fear. And remember, always progress beyond perfection.
Good luck!
– Is
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellness strategist, and trainer with experience in creating organizational cultures focused on wellness and mental health awareness.
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