If you thought long-term marriages were all candlelight and chemistry, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are here to lovingly ruin that illusion.
In a recent episode of Lives with Kelly and Markthe pair turned a random study on koalas into a comedy sketch about their own relationship.
Mark, comparing himself to the surprisingly cold animals, explained: “When they mate… Sometimes they’re not interested… Instead of being heartbroken, they go back to sleep.”
Kelly didn’t miss the opening. “It’s just like you!” she replied, before delivering the real punchline: “I put the retainer on. He hears the retainer appear, it’s like a chastity belt!”
Romance? Canceled immediately.
Mark leaned in and added, “I lay down with my little eucalyptus leaf and say, ‘Hey, you want to fool around? No? Okay.'”
And yes, this is just another day of oversharing for the couple who’s been married since 1996. They’ve previously admitted that their schedules (and preferences) don’t exactly match up.
Kelly prefers the night, Mark used to campaign in the mornings.
“I told him, ‘Here’s the thing… It can’t always be your way… my way is only at night,’” he shared.
But reality had other plans.
“I have a retainer… And he has his nose strips on. It’s like we’re the most repulsive, disgusting beings.” [people].”
Mark now admits defeat: “I have to tell you, this job has really gotten in the way… It’s been the antidote to that.”
Moral of the story? Love evolves. Sometimes…it just comes with a retainer.
